Studying Our Children

When you first take a look at this picture, you may think that it is some sort of bacteria or virus in a magnifying glass.  Maybe a crystal formation or a geological entity.  To me, it looks like a K'nex creation that my child made. 

The truth is that we are looking at adolescent sexual behavior, as detailed by today's science.  The blue circles are boys, the pink ones girls, and the lines in-between are sexual encounters that took place during the study.  The researchers were surprised what they found:

"We went into this study believing we would find a core model, with a small group of people who are sexually active," said James Moody, a professor of sociology at Ohio State University. "We were surprised to find a very different kind of network."

Although I hope that some good can come of research like this, I believe this picture details some of the main problems with the way that we do research on adolescent sexuality, and how we approach that whole topic.  We seem to forget that human beings are creatures that have control over their behavior and have freewill to control their base desires.  Instead of acknowledging this, we treat children like unspaded pets, who we have to study in order to use artificial means to control their breeding and spread of disease.  By implication, we give teenagers the message that they cannot have control over their behavior, so they are nothing but machines impacted by the overpowering influence of their hormones.  This article is on a different, interesting topic, but I thought this was interesting:

Today, children no longer represent investments; instead, they have become pets - objects of luxury consumption. However, the pet market segment is very competitive. It is characteristic that the birth rate decline in the 1980s, and especially in the 1990s, was accompanied by soaring numbers of dog-owners in cities. While in the past dog-owners were predominantly retirees, today there are many young couples that have consciously decided to have a dog instead of a baby. These are mainly young professionals who have come to a conclusion (whether right or wrong) that they lack either time or money to have a child. Thus, they invest their emotional surpluses into animals.

We as adults are so clueless about our children that we need to place them under a microscope in a laboratory to see how they run.  The impact of this cannot be overstated.  I have an interesting insight on this in that I have treat adolescents every single day in my practice.  As an oral and maxillofacial surgeon, I see 30-40 teens between 14 and 18 every single week.  I am amazed by the number of teens on anti-depressants.  At least 10% of the teens I see are taking anti-depressant meds.  Do we believe that there always was such an incidence of depression among teens, or is there something else going on that could be causing this? 

We sell our kids short when we treat them as slaves to their impulses and merely try to make their behavior "safer".  We should not have to look into a microscope to understand their behavior - they are rational, intrinsically valuable human beings that struggle with sin and need us to be, well, adults.  To speak the truth to them, no matter how hard it is, about the consequences of their actions.  To let them know that sex is far more than a physical act - that the moral and emotional ramifications are far greater than they acknowledge.  To love them when they make mistakes - not by pretending that all choices are equal or that "being responsible" with a thin layer of latex is the answer.  To continue to understand them and show them the forgiveness that is available. 

It is interesting to see these truths come through in a secular atheistic perspective.  Michelle at A Small Victory has a keen insight regarding her daughter's sex education:

And here's the shocker: I'm taking the abstinence route with her. Why? Because I'm her mother, that's why, and I don't want to tell my daughter it's ok to have sex as long as she practices safe sex. You can put a condom on a penis, but there's nothing to prevent the emotional ramifications that come from having sexual relations too early.

While she is educated in the field of sexual protection - because I am not naive and I know that despite my declaration that a high school kid should not be having sex, they do - there is just no preparation for what comes when you give yourself up to a person for the first time. And I don't think that at 15 my daughter is ready to determine that the boy she is currently seeing is the one she wants to give it up for. Sex is not just about sticking a penis in a vagina. There's a whole host of non-physical issues that go with it and to send your teenager out there armed with condoms and an awareness of STDs may keep them from getting pregnant or the clap, but it won't keep them from having their heart and/or spirit broken. It won't keep them from spending years beating themselves up for losing their virginity to a person they cared nothing about.

If we treat our children like pets, they will act like pets.  They will also question their self worth when the answers we provide to the most difficult questions they give us - result in taking one pill for contraception and another to deal with the feelings that result from their actions.  Will kids continue to have sex - yes they will, just like adults will continue to have affairs.  This does not mean that we should treat them like sexual activity is an inevitability.  They our best and nothing less.